The posts we’re talking about are here.
Also, a disclaimer: these are all my own personal head-canons, they’re not set in stone or anything. I know there can sometimes be a lot of debate over which house a character not from HP would be in and I hope nobody is too objective to my opinions! But I’m also up for a discussion about it so ¯_(ツ)_/¯
Right. So I am a giant Harry Potter nerd and this whole series is a gift from heaven, and I wish I had the capacity to write a fic but I have to finish this other one first, so I probably won’t, but anyway, onto the headcanons:
Eric: Gryfindor. I know Gryffindor’s are brave and courageous and stuff, and Eric’s all twitchy, but my case in point here is Neville, yes? I think the Sorting Hat would recognise Eric inner-potential and would stick him in Gryffindor as a confidence-boost, in order to try and draw out his courageous side.
Donna: Gryffindor also. Headstrong, valiant, stubborn, these are all screaming Gryffindor to me.
Kelso: Ravenclaw. I know, I know, Kelso’s got the common sense of a piece of dirt, but I draw your attention to his random smart-outbursts during seasons 1&2. Plus, it’s always been implied that he does relatively well in school. Now, do I think he would turn into the Seamus Finnigan of this universe? Absolutely. But I also think that Ravenclaw’s the best place for him, because underneath the general house stereotypes, Ravenclaw is a place for people who want to explore. To create. I mean, Luna wasn’t particularly “normal”, yet she was in Ravenclaw because she had that unique insight to the world. I think having Kelso in Ravenclaw would actually be beneficial for him and his weirdo-inventions, ‘cause Ravenclaw house would have people willing to help and engage with them.
Fez: Hufflepuff, because he’s a little sweetie 😀
Jackie: Slytherin, for obvious reasons, I think, Cunning, clever, and she looks out for herself and her own (the basement gang), and god help anyone who threatens them. She’s well suited to fighting people without using her fists, instead she can destroy anyone she chooses with her well-placed rumours and sniggers.
Hyde: Alright, now before you all chew my ear off with “Hyde’s a Slytherin!!”, yes, he has Slytherin traits, and maybe realistically he would be in Slytherin, but I want you to picture this for a moment: Steven Hyde, the biggest tough guy around, all steely faced and stone cold as a motherfucking Hufflepuff. Tell me that doesn’t fill you with impish glee. But I have support for this, too, okay? Hufflepuff’s are not weak lil demure creatures, they’re just fiercely loyal and fair. There’s a very helpful post here that I think sums it up with “Gryffindor believes in acceptable casualties, and a Hufflepuff will knock your teeth down your fucking throat for even suggesting such a disgusting idea.” I don’t know man, I just really dig this idea of Hyde trying so hard to keep up his bad-boy image and be assertive and shit but nobody’ll take him seriously because he’s a Hufflepuff and the Sorting Hat has just seen straight though it and now everybody else can see it too.
Kitty: The school nurse. I can just see Kitty mothering over every single person in the castle, regardless of house, and her and Hyde form a really tight bond because he’s always getting into scrapes and she keeps having to fix him up.
Red: Groundskeeper or caretaker? I can’t see Red being a teacher for any of the subjects, but I feel like he would be a boss-ass caretaker. No frisbees or stink bombs under his watch, no siree.
Jackie and Hyde
*rolls up sleeves* Alrighty, I present you with Jackie and Hyde, next door neighbours when they’re kids and already beginning their little love-to-hate-you routine due to their vastly different backgrounds (as in, Jackie being rich as shit with muggle parents, and Hyde being dirt poor and halfblood. Side note, but that’s half the reason they’re dirt poor – Bud still took off as in the show, and Edna, who’d started to rely on the magical world’s way of doing stuff, completely let herself fall to pieces). Anyway, then they rock up at Hogwarts and oh good god, you’ve got to be kidding, she’s here? Anyway in year 5, Jackie and Kelso get into a huge-ass altercation (fun-fact, alright, that if this takes place in the HP universe, the gang would have been at school with the Marauders, and in the same year) and Jackie goes home for the summer single and torn up. Emotions are on edge, so it’s inevitable that Jackie loses it one night when her parents won’t quit yapping, and the plates go flying and lights start blowing and finally, Jack and Pam decide that enough’s enough, and kick Jackie to the curb (they want nothing to do with this witches/wizards bullshit). And where oh where does Jackie turn up? Hyde’s doorstep, of course, and everything just spirals from there, and you know what? I’m gonna start drafting up a fic.